WHEN INSTABILITY BECOMES YOUR LIFE – ZAZA ALI
The day I was born set an interesting precedence for what was to come in my life. Fresh out of my mother’s womb, what would normally be a celebratory ride home became a detour into California’s foster care system. The details are cloudy, but the story goes something like this – My white mother and black father were spotted by two Oakland police offers outside of the hospital arguing over why she shouldn’t carry my car seat. At that time – it’s certain that my father was seen as the aggressor, unable to keep things from escalating. The police intervened and I was taken into child protective services for the court system to sort things out. After about three weeks, my father was granted full legal custody.
While he did his best as a single parent, that day set the tone for life patterns that would manifest in different ways. During the course of my childhood I moved around a lot, staying with different family members as my father dedicated most of his time to the hotel industry. When I was 8 years old he left me in the care of a woman he was seeing who happened to be addicted to drugs. She left me and her son in a house alone for several days. A neighbor called the police after I knocked on the door to ask for food. Again, I was taken into the custody of child protective services. I lived with a stranger for two weeks until my father was able to prove his ability as a parent. Growing up I was exposed to more dysfunction than I care to recount, more drugs than I care to remember, and more instability than any child (or adult) should have to endure. This lack of structure was written on the canvas of what would later become ZaZa Ali.
I do not offer this story a resume of how horrible my life was growing up. On the contrary, I give thanks for everything that happened to me. From these experiences I’ve learned the true power of what I like to call “the deficit”.
The deficit is whatever lack, shortage, handicap or unfortunate circumstances that surround our upbringing, parental guidance, or lack thereof.
Because I was vulnerable during those pivotal years, I learned how to take care of myself. To be responsible for my life and hold myself accountable for personal experiences.
As I grew into the wisdom of who I truly am, I began to recognize a pattern of behavior that expressed itself in the form of relationships, work, family ties and life conditions. Internally there was a resonance of abandonment which in turn lead to the need for validation.
That need lead to attracting people, places and things that would continue to magnify the resonance of abandonment; never feeling like I belonged anywhere. With that came more experience; fueling more of what I didn’t want and less of what I needed.
Our feelings are signals. Whatever our emotional state of mind emits is a signal. Wellness and gratitude are signals. So too are neglect and abuse. As vibrational beings we’re constantly communicating with the broader universe through the way we think, act and most importantly feel.
As a witness to my own life, I embrace all trials and tribulations as they have helped me get to this moment in time… which matters more than anything. I send LOVE to my mother, father, and all who had a hand in loving (or not) little me. Through pain I learned love. From abandonment I learned how to make people feel special. Neglect helped me to be a good listener. Instability gave me foresight on helping others with clarity.
There is power in the deficit, when you truly understand. We all come from different backgrounds but one thing is for sure – we are here for an abundant, joyous experience. The greater the deficit…. once we learn to tune into the frequency of Love…. the greater the reward.
Gratitude.
ZaZa Ali
For books, videos, online curriculum or to work with me –
